guinness world records man: sir you have done nothing but do pushups from this one spot for 20 years with no rest. what drives you?
me, still doing pushups: i wanna push this planet out of the idiot solar system and into the horrifying abyss of the unknown universe and this is the only way I know how
world records man, in awe: [drops everything and instantly begins doing pushups next to me]
spookyspatula:

This is the most Apple thing I’ve ever seen

spookyspatula:

This is the most Apple thing I’ve ever seen

willetton:

3 cyborg dogs investigate a strange ocean dog

willetton:

3 cyborg dogs investigate a strange ocean dog

wereyoufullyawareofthisgaming:

seanofledead:

Are you sure Are you positive Are you 100% positive

No it’s Luigi telling Nintendo how to improve sales.

wereyoufullyawareofthisgaming:

seanofledead:

Are you sure
Are you positive
Are you 100% positive

No it’s Luigi telling Nintendo how to improve sales.

willsicott:

tuxedoandex:

ugly:

What do you call the security guards outside Samsung shops?

what

Guardians of the Galaxy

officialhotbabe:

the official twitter icon of stolen text posts

image

quickbewitty:

quickbewitty:

Why do cows have hooves instead of feet?

Because they lactose

codeinewarrior:

me: hey can i have some money?

bank teller: do you have an account with us?

me: nah i just heard yall got money

You two are not fit for raising a child. I feel bad for your kid.
Anonymous

kamie-malik777:

allteensrelate:

parkingstrange:

I mean she may only be 7 months old but so far she hasn’t sent anyone anon hate so I think we’re doing better job than your parents did, just saying.

that was brutal

Damn

alexturnler:

is forever21 okay

alexturnler:

is forever21 okay

antiteen:

friend: *turns on country music*
me: can you chill